The holidays are often painted as the most wonderful time of the year. Yet for many, they feel like a minefield of stress, burnout due to over-commitment, and emotional exhaustion. The pressure to create a perfect holiday, attend every event, and buy the perfect gifts can leave you overwhelmed and disconnected from what truly matters. As a trauma therapist specializing in the fawn trauma response, somatic therapy, brainspotting, and EMDR, I see this pattern frequently. People pleasing and overextending during the holidays aren’t just stressful—they can be deeply tied to unresolved trauma and patterns of burnout.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Let’s explore how holiday burnout happens, why it’s connected to trauma responses like the fawn response, and how to embrace a simpler, more meaningful season.
The Holiday Hustle and the Fawn Trauma Response
Do you find yourself saying “yes” to every invitation, over-spending on gifts, or overextending your energy to keep others happy during the holidays?
These behaviors might stem from the **fawn trauma response**, a survival mechanism where you prioritize others’ needs at the expense of your own.
For people who have experienced trauma, particularly relational trauma, pleasing others becomes a way to stay safe and avoid conflict.
During the holidays, this instinct can skyrocket as expectations around family, tradition, and social obligations grow.
While well-intentioned, this response can leave you feeling depleted, resentful, and even disconnected from yourself.
Somatic therapy, brainspotting, and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) are powerful tools to unpack these patterns.
They help your brain and body process trauma and rewire the belief that your worth depends on pleasing others.
You can find your authentic self and become more present in your own life.
Why ‘More’ Isn’t Always Merrier
In a culture that glorifies busy schedules and over-the-top celebrations, it’s easy to get swept into the mindset that doing more equates to a happier holiday.
But for those managing PTSD, anxiety, or unresolved trauma, the constant hustle can feel like a ticking time bomb.
Overcommitting can trigger the same stress responses you’ve worked hard to manage, pushing your nervous system into overdrive.
Signs of holiday burnout often include:
– Increased irritability or emotional exhaustion.
– Trouble sleeping or feeling “on edge.”
– A sense of guilt or shame when trying to set boundaries.
– Avoidance of gatherings altogether due to overwhelm.
Instead of focusing on doing more, consider scaling back and focusing on what genuinely brings you joy.
I often witness families rushing place to place to “do” all the things but not truly “being” in the moment or with each other. They are on their phones, watching tv, or doing separate things.
Embracing Simplicity: Tips for a Stress-Free Season
1. **Identify Your ‘Yes’ and ‘No’**
Take a moment to reflect on what truly matters to you during the holidays. Is it quality time with loved ones, or is it a quiet evening at home?
Write down your non-negotiables and allow yourself to say “no” to anything that doesn’t align with them.
2. **Set Boundaries with Compassion**
Boundaries aren’t about shutting others out—they’re about creating space for your well-being.
Use phrases like, “I’d love to help, but I’m at capacity,” or, “I’ll need to think about it and get back to you.”
3. **Prioritize Rest and Recovery**
Rest isn’t a luxury; it’s essential for your nervous system to function optimally.
Practice self-regulation techniques such as deep breathing, grounding exercises, or somatic therapy tools to help you stay centered.
4. **Reimagine Tradition**
Traditions can be beautiful, but they should evolve to meet your needs.
If hosting a giant dinner feels overwhelming, consider a potluck or even a smaller gathering.
5. **Seek Support**
The holiday season can bring up painful memories or unresolved grief.
Working with a trauma therapist can help you process these emotions in a safe and supportive way.
Therapies like EMDR, Compassionate Inquiry, Brainspotting, and somatic therapy are especially effective for addressing the deeper layers of holiday stress.
When Burnout Becomes a Trauma Trigger
It’s important to recognize when holiday stress becomes a trigger for deeper trauma.
You might notice flashbacks, intense feelings of guilt or shame, or a sense of being stuck in old patterns.
These experiences are common for those with PTSD or unresolved trauma.
Therapy can be a game-changer.
Through EMDR, brainspotting, Compassionate Inquiry, and somatic therapy, you can address the root of these responses and find lasting relief.
You don’t have to navigate this alone.
Create a Season That Feels Like Home
The holidays are a time to celebrate connection, not perfection.
By embracing simplicity, setting boundaries, and seeking support, you can create a season that feels authentic and nourishing.
If you’re ready to break free from people-pleasing patterns and holiday burnout, I can help.
As a licensed trauma therapist specializing in anxiety, PTSD, and the fawn trauma response, I guide individuals like you toward a life of greater balance and peace.
Reach out today to start your healing journey.
Shay is a trauma therapist and works with individuals in San Diego and all of California.
Shay is also a mental health coach for the remainder of the U.S.
**Email:** shay@overcomeanxietytrauma.com
Visit other pages on my website to learn more about somatic therapy, EMDR, brainspotting, Compassionate Inquiry and working with me.
Let this holiday season be the start of something new—one where you give yourself the gift of self-care.
Healing is Possible