People Pleasing at the Holidays

The holiday season, with its festive cheer and family gatherings, often brings a unique set of challenges for many people.

One such challenge is the tendency to fall into the trap of people pleasing.

While it’s natural to want to make others happy, constantly prioritizing others’ needs over your own can leave you feeling exhausted, empty, and disconnected from your authentic self.

The Weight of Expectations

During the holidays, expectations run high.

There are traditions to uphold, meals to prepare, gifts to buy, and social events to attend.

For those who struggle with people pleasing, these expectations can feel overwhelming.

The desire to meet everyone’s needs and ensure that everyone is happy can lead to significant emotional and physical fatigue.

People pleasers often go above and beyond to avoid conflict or disappointment.

They might agree to host multiple gatherings, take on extra responsibilities at work or home, or spend more money than they can afford on gifts—all in an effort to keep others satisfied.

This constant striving for approval can be draining.

The Emotional Toll of People Pleasing

One of the most profound impacts of people pleasing is the emotional toll it takes on individuals.

When you consistently put others’ needs before your own, you may start to lose touch with your own desires and feelings.

Over time, this can lead to a sense of emptiness and a lack of fulfillment.

People pleasers often suppress their true emotions in order to maintain harmony.

This suppression can result in feelings of resentment, frustration, and sadness.

You might find yourself feeling unappreciated or taken for granted because your efforts are not always acknowledged or reciprocated.

Disconnection from Authenticity

Authentic connection requires vulnerability and honesty—qualities that are often sacrificed by those who prioritize pleasing others.

When you’re constantly trying to be what others want you to be, it’s challenging to show up as your true self.

This disconnection from authenticity can hinder meaningful relationships.

Instead of forming bonds based on genuine mutual understanding and respect, relationships become transactional—a series of actions performed in hopes of receiving approval or avoiding rejection.

Breaking Free from People Pleasing

Breaking free from the cycle of people pleasing involves recognizing its impact on your well-being and taking steps toward change:

Self-Awareness: Begin by acknowledging when you’re engaging in people-pleasing behaviors. Pay attention to moments when you say “yes” out of obligation rather than genuine desire.

Set Boundaries: Learn how important it is set healthy boundaries with family members friends colleagues communicate limits clearly assertively

Prioritize Self-Care Make time activities nourish mind body spirit during holidays Whether taking walk nature spending quiet alone—self-care essential

Practice Saying No Understand okay—and necessary—to say sometimes Declining invitation request doesn’t make selfish; makes mindful own needs

Seek Support: If breaking free patterns feels overwhelming consider seeking support therapist specializes area.  

What You Can Do 

Listen to your body.  If you need to rest, it is ok to rest.  Creating a “perfect holiday” isn’t perfect if you aren’t able to enjoy it.  

Use Somatic Interventions for calm.  Sometimes we just need to take a break to regulate.  You can do a Voo (see my videos on YouTube @Mindfulish), you can do tapping, or do some havening.  

Let Others Know You are Struggling.  This is the time of year we gather support around us, but not everyone has that.   Here is a list of Warm Lines that you can call 24/7 if you need someone to talk to.

How I Can Help

The holidays should be a time for joy and connection—not exhaustion caused relentless behaviors.

 Becoming aware tendencies active steps towards prioritizing yourself alongside others’ opens space more authentic connections ultimately leads greater inner peace festive season!

Remember—you deserve love & acceptance just much anyone else does—exactly as YOU are!

Looking for compassionate guidance?

Work with Shay by emailing shay@overcomeanxietytrauma.com or click the button above!

Let’s overcome these challenges together!  

Healing is Possible!