Compassionate Inquiry Therapist in San Diego
Let’s discover where it started.
A gentle exploration that brings in your body and your mind.
Meet me for a free 15-minute chat
Video call with Shay · Currently accepting new clients
Free 15-minute video consult
$267 per 50-minute session
Online across California
Superbills provided for out-of-network reimbursement
Compassionate Inquiry
About This Model
A quick look at who this is for, what it is, and how I use it.
Who it’s for
People who sense that what happened growing up is still showing up today, in their relationships, in how they see themselves, or in their body.
What it is
A gentle exploration of your story that brings in both your body and your mind.
What we do
We look at the first time you felt this way and how those beliefs took shape, and we make room for your body to process along with your mind.
How I use it
I weave it into most of my sessions, alongside the other approaches we use together.
My story
My Story with Compassionate Inquiry
I found out about Gabor Maté after my lupus diagnosis. I started reading his book When the Body Says No and saw myself in it. I decided to do his Professional Training Program to go deeper. It changed my life.
At the start, they asked us what we wanted from the program and what our hopes were. I said:
“I want to learn to love myself, and I hope to find a space where I don’t feel like I am too much.”
I was shocked at how vulnerable I was, but this was the place to do it, and I was tired of my status quo.
It was a lot emotionally and took a large time commitment. It was also one of the best things I ever did for myself. The first four months were about working on our own stuff. A few months after that stage, my doctor asked what I was doing differently, because my blood tests were changing. I’m not saying this method treats lupus. This is just what happened for me.
What Compassionate Inquiry Is Like
It isn’t scripted, and it isn’t a fixed protocol. It asks the therapist to attune to you, make a lot of space, bring you back to your body, and help you notice how you developed your beliefs. And there is hope for change: these things may have happened to us, but we can change.
Why a Safe Other Matters
One idea at the heart of Compassionate Inquiry is that trauma happens when it’s too much, too fast, or too little, for too long, without the support of a safe other. I think most people don’t realize that part: that we need someone safe to help us through the hard stuff. Parents love their children, but they may be overwhelmed themselves. I love that this perspective isn’t about blame. It’s about understanding how the environment developed. If that sounds familiar, my page on attachment trauma therapy goes deeper.
Meet Shay, Luna and Dobby
If I’m not in session, you can find me attending a conference on somatic therapy, reading about neurobiology, or cosplaying at ComicCon. I have advanced training in Compassionate Inquiry and weave it into most of my sessions. You’ll sometimes meet my therapeutic team, Luna and Dobby.
Shay DuBois, LCSW · Somatic Trauma Therapist in San Diego
What it feels like
You don’t have to figure this out on your own
Rooted in Safety
Trauma happens without a safe other, so my first job is to be one. I attune to you and go at the pace you need.
You have the Space you need
I make a lot of space. You don’t have to explain it perfectly or rush to the point.
Connecting it to your body
We bring it back to your body, so your thoughts and your body are both part of the conversation.
Hope
These things may have happened to us, but we can change.
What to expect
What the first steps look like
1
A short chat first
We start with a free 15-minute video call. We have a short chat to see if we are a good fit. This way you can hear my voice and see what it might feel like to work with me.
2
We approach with curiosity
We find the modalities that work for you, and it is always personalized. Compassionate Inquiry is woven in with the other approaches I use, so we look at how your story took shape and make space for your body to process too.
3
We go at your pace
You decide how far to go each time, and you can pause whenever you need to.
Sessions are online across California, and in-person intensives are available in San Diego.
About Compassionate Inquiry®
Compassionate Inquiry® was created by Dr. Gabor Maté, a physician and author, and developed into a professional training by Sat Dharam Kaur ND. Sat Dharam taught my cohort.
It’s built on the idea that our early experiences shape the beliefs we carry, and that our bodies hold on to those experiences too.
Dr. Maté’s book When the Body Says No is where my own journey began. If you’d like to learn more about the method itself, you can visit compassionateinquiry.com. I also wrote about how Gabor Maté’s work became a trauma therapy approach in this post on Compassionate Inquiry.
Questions
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I know if Compassionate Inquiry is right for me?
Many people find it helpful to look at how their early experiences are still showing up today. The best way to find out is a short chat with me, so you can hear my voice and see what it might feel like to work with me.
Is Compassionate Inquiry like regular talk therapy?
It involves talking, but it’s a gentle exploration that brings in your body as well as your mind. It isn’t scripted, and it isn’t a fixed protocol.
What if I don’t remember my childhood?
That’s okay, and you don’t have to remember everything. We go at your pace and make space for your body to process too.
Will I have to relive things?
You decide how far to go each time, and you can pause whenever you need to.
How is this different from IFS or Brainspotting?
They’re different paths that we can take to do the work, and I often use them together. Compassionate Inquiry is a gentle exploration of how your early experiences shaped the way you see yourself and the world. Internal Family Systems gets to know the parts of you that protect, please and push. Brainspotting uses eye positions as your brain and body process what feels stuck. We find the modalities that work for you, and it is always personalized.
Is this online or in person?
Sessions are online across California, with in-person intensives available in San Diego.
Do I need to know about Gabor Maté’s work first?
No. You don’t need to have read anything or know anything about him. I found his work after my lupus diagnosis, and reading When the Body Says No is where my own journey began. If you’re curious, his books are a good place to start, but you can begin exactly where you are.
What are the 7 pillars of Compassionate Inquiry?
In the training, the pillars describe the stance a therapist brings to the work, more than steps to follow. They are:
- Faith in the client’s own process.
- Trust in your own intuition.
- Staying present with yourself while you do the inquiry.
- Owning what comes up in you, rather than putting it on the client.
- Compassion for the client and for yourself, whatever arises.
- Curiosity when something hard comes up, like anger, hurt or confusion.
- Seeing what arises as something to learn from, not as a problem.
Trauma & Anxiety Therapy in San Diego, CA
Find Your Way Back to Yourself
Reaching out can be the start of something new. If you’re curious whether Compassionate Inquiry is right for you, we can start with a free 15-minute video call.
Meet me for a free 15-minute chat
If you’re in crisis, call or text 988.