The Secret to Breaking Free from Relational Trauma

 You Don’t Have to Become Your Parents

Relational trauma—the kind that stems from harmful or neglectful relationships—shapes us in ways we often don’t realize.

It whispers in our minds, creating fears, shame, and patterns we can’t seem to break.

And if you’ve ever caught yourself thinking, “Oh no, I sound just like my mom (or dad)”, you’re not alone.

But here’s the good news:

You don’t have to repeat the same old cycles.

Understanding Relational Trauma (aka Why Family Reunions Might Be Harder Than They Should Be)

Relational trauma happens when someone you trust causes emotional harm, whether through abuse, neglect, or abandonment. It could show up in your childhood family dynamics, romantic relationships, or even with a best friend. These experiences leave deep marks, shaping how we see ourselves and how we interact with others.

The Mind-Body Drama of Relational Trauma

Trauma doesn’t just live in your head; it camps out in your body too. Maybe it’s that lingering tension in your shoulders, the knot in your stomach before a tough conversation, or random bouts of exhaustion. These physical symptoms aren’t your imagination—they’re your body waving a flag saying, “Hey, let’s deal with this!”

Patterns You Don’t Want to Pass On

One of the sneaky things about relational trauma is how it creates repetitive cycles. Without even realizing it, you might find yourself picking relationships or situations that feel oddly familiar—even if they hurt. Here’s why that happens:

Attachment Styles: How we bonded (or didn’t) with caregivers shapes how we connect with others now.

Self-Worth Struggles: Trauma can convince us we’re not good enough, which is just plain wrong.

Emotional Roller Coasters: Trauma messes with how we handle emotions, sometimes leaving us stuck in unhealthy coping patterns.

Triggers: The Ghosts of Relational Trauma Past

Ever feel like a specific comment or situation flips a switch in you? That’s a trigger. Whether it’s someone’s tone, a crowded space, or even an awkward holiday dinner, triggers remind your brain of past pain. Recognizing them is the first step to reclaiming your power.

Healing Beyond Talk: Why Compassionate Therapy Works

Breaking free from trauma’s grip isn’t just about talking it out—it’s about working it out in your body, brain, and relationships.

EMDR Therapy: Think of this as reprogramming your brain’s trauma software to stop replaying the same old fears.

Somatic Therapy: Instead of brushing off that tightness in your chest, somatic therapy helps you tune into it, release it, and heal from the inside out.

 Compassionate Inquiry:  this method developed by Gabor Maté uses the body to help you access your truth

Personalized Care: Because everyone’s story is unique, tailored approaches are key.

Brainspotting:  Brainspotting uses our eyes to access stored trauma and allow our body to let it go.  

Neurofeedback:  You can train your brain to go into calmer states while playing games on your phone or watching your favorite show. 

Becoming the Parent You Wish You Had (Or Just the Best Version of You)

Let’s talk about what happens after healing: You get to create a life that feels authentic, connected, and safe. Here’s how:

Set Healthy Boundaries: No more people-pleasing at your own expense.

Build Real Trust: Learn to trust again, starting with yourself.

Communicate Like a Pro: Say what you mean and mean what you say—without fear of being misunderstood.

Breaking the Cycle of Relational Trauma

You are not doomed to repeat the patterns of the past. Healing from relational trauma means reclaiming your narrative, embracing your worth, and building relationships that lift you up instead of tearing you down.

So, the next time you catch yourself sounding a little too much like your parents, pause. Smile. And remember: you’re on a journey to be someone entirely your own.

Ready to break free from trauma’s grip and embrace healthier connections?

Shay works with clients in California and throughout the US.  She specializes in working with individuals who struggle with healthy attachment, have experienced trauma, depression, and anxiety.  

Shay uses brainspotting, EMDR, Compassionate Inquiry, Somatic Experiencing, Neurofeedback, and IFS (Internal Family Systems) in San Diego to help clients with a mind-body-brain approach.

Have questions or want to schedule a session with Shay?   Email shay@overcomeanxietytrauma.com or book a session online.

 Your future self will thank you.