You don’t have to tell your whole story on day one. You don’t have to tell it at all until you’re ready.

You’ve had the therapist’s website open in a tab for a week. Maybe longer. You’ve read the About page twice. You’ve hovered over the “Book a consult” button and closed the tab more than once.

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone, and you’re not being dramatic. For a lot of people with trauma, the hardest part of therapy isn’t the work itself. It’s the not knowing: What will they ask me? What if I fall apart? What if I open something up and can’t close it again? What if I finally say it out loud and I’m not believed, again?

That fear makes sense. If speaking up didn’t go well for you in the past, your nervous system has every reason to be cautious about doing it with a stranger. So let me take some of the mystery out of it. Here is what actually happens when you start trauma therapy with me, step by step.

Step 1: A Short, Free Consult Call

Before we ever schedule a session, we have a free 15-minute consult call by video. Think of it as a chance for both of us to see whether we’re a good fit. It is not a session, and you won’t be asked to go into detail about what happened to you.

You can book your consult any time using the Book a Free Consultation link at the top of this page.

On the call, I’ll usually ask:

• What’s bringing you in right now, in a sentence or two
• What you’re hoping will be different
• Whether you’ve been in therapy before, and what did or didn’t help
• Practical things like scheduling, in-person or online sessions, and fees and insurance

And you get to ask me anything. How I work. What a session feels like. Whether I’ve worked with something like what you’re carrying. You’re interviewing me just as much as I’m learning about you.

If we decide to move forward, I’ll send you intake paperwork through Allia Health. It covers the basics: contact information, consent forms, a few background questions. Answer what you can. If a question feels like too much, you can leave it blank and we’ll come back to it together, or not at all.

Cost, Insurance and Scheduling

Money and logistics are a real part of starting therapy, so let’s be straightforward about them.

• Fees. Private-pay therapy in San Diego commonly runs about $180 to $350 per session, depending on the therapist’s training and specialty. My fee is $267 per 50-minute session. In my experience, somatic therapy often takes fewer sessions than traditional talk therapy, though everyone is different.
• Insurance. I am an out-of-network provider. Many plans have out-of-network benefits that reimburse part, sometimes most, of the cost. Call your insurer and ask about your out-of-network mental health benefits.
• HSA and FSA. You may be able to pay for therapy with a health savings or flexible spending account. Check with your plan.
• Scheduling. Most people start with weekly sessions and space them out as things improve. Online sessions are available if traffic, a busy schedule or simply getting out the door feels like too much. In-person sessions are available for intensives in the San Diego area only.

Step 2: Your First Session

Your first session lasts about 50 minutes. Most of it is simply getting to know each other. Here’s roughly how it goes.

We start with safety, not your story

Before anything else, we’ll talk about confidentiality and its limits, how sessions work, and what to do if you need to pause. You’ll hear this from me more than once: you are in charge of the pace. You can say “I don’t want to talk about that yet,” and that is a complete answer.

I’ll ask about your life now

Most of the first session is about the present. How you’re sleeping. What a hard day looks like. Where you feel stress in your body. Who you can lean on, and who you can’t. What you do to get through, whether that’s scrolling, working, numbing out or taking care of everyone else. None of these answers are wrong, and none of them will shock me.

I’ll ask a little about your history, at a high level

I may ask some general questions about your childhood and important relationships. You can answer in headlines (“my mom was depressed,” “there was a lot of yelling”) instead of details. I’m not looking for the full story yet. I’m looking for the shape of it, so I can understand what your nervous system learned along the way.

We’ll notice your body together

Because I work somatically, I might gently ask what you notice in your body as we talk: a tight chest, a clenched jaw, a wish to look at the door. This isn’t a test. It’s how we start learning your body’s signals, so later we can tell when you’re getting overwhelmed and slow down before you get there.

We’ll leave with something small

Before we finish, we’ll take a few minutes to settle. I may share a simple grounding or breathing practice you can use during the week. We’ll also talk about what you’d like from therapy and how often we’ll meet.

What You Don’t Have to Share Right Away

This is the part I most want you to hear. In your first session, you do not have to:

• Describe what happened to you in detail
• Prove that it was “bad enough” to deserve help
• Know exactly what’s wrong or what you need
• Cry, or not cry
• Trust me yet

Trauma therapy done well doesn’t start by digging into the most painful memories. It starts by building enough safety, in the room and in your body, that you can approach hard things without getting flooded. We work on stabilization first: understanding your patterns, learning to calm your nervous system and building trust. We only move toward the harder material when you’re ready, and you’ll always have a say in when that is.

If no one believed you before, you don’t have to convince me now. Your experience is where we start.

When words won’t come, we start with the body

I once worked with a client who, for the whole first month, was too frightened to say a word to me. Their body was in a deep freeze, and talking simply wasn’t possible yet.

So we didn’t start with talking. We started with the body: slow breathing, grounding through their feet and the chair beneath them, and orienting, which means letting the eyes gently explore the room to notice that, right now, it is safe.

Week by week, their nervous system began to settle. Today this client can calm themselves when they feel activated, feels safe in their own skin, and sets boundaries with the people in their life.

I share this, with details changed to protect their privacy, because it shows something important: you don’t have to be able to talk to begin healing. Silence is welcome here. Your body can lead the way.

How You Might Feel Afterward

There’s no right way to feel after a first session. People tell me they felt:

• Relieved, because it was easier than they expected
• Tired, even though “all we did was talk”
• Raw or a little shaky, because they said something out loud for the first time
• Unsure, and wondering whether it helped at all

All of these are normal. Talking about yourself, even at a high level, asks a lot of a nervous system that has been on guard for years. Plan something gentle afterward if you can: a walk, a meal, a quiet evening. If something comes up during the week that feels like too much, write it down and bring it to our next session. That’s exactly what therapy is for.

I’ve Been on the Other Side of the Room

I know this from the inside, because I’ve been a therapy client too.

I’ve dreaded sessions because I knew we’d be working on “the thing” again, the thing I thought I’d already resolved, showing up one more time. I’ve wondered whether a new approach would be any different from the ones I’d already tried. And I’ve planned entire days around a session, because I knew how drained I might feel afterward.

So I get it. Therapy can be exhausting, and meeting something you hoped was behind you can feel discouraging. When an old wound resurfaces, it doesn’t mean you failed or that your earlier work didn’t count. Often it means you’re ready to meet it at a deeper level, with more support than you had before.

That’s why I work the way I do. Our work may feel uncomfortable at times, but it should never feel unmanageable. We go at a pace your nervous system can handle, and we slow down whenever we need to.

And yes, we laugh in here. I’m a little less buttoned-up than some therapists, on purpose. What we’re working on is heavy, and humor and lightness help us carry it. Healing doesn’t have to be grim to be serious.

The Approaches I Use

You don’t need to know any of these terms before you start. I’ll explain as we go, and together we’ll choose what fits you.

• Somatic Experiencing. Works with body sensations to help release stress the nervous system is still holding.
• Brainspotting. Uses eye positions to help the brain process stuck emotions and memories, often without retelling every detail.
• EMDR. A structured, well-researched therapy for processing traumatic memories using eye movements or other back-and-forth stimulation.
• Internal Family Systems (parts work). Helps you understand and care for different parts of you, like the part that wants boundaries and the part that fears rejection.
• Compassionate Inquiry. A gentle approach developed by Dr. Gabor Maté that explores the beliefs and patterns underneath anxiety and self-sabotage.

For a deeper look at body-based therapy, read

For a deeper look at body-based therapy, read about somatic trauma therapy in San Diego.

What Is Somatic Therapy in San Diego.

How to Tell if It’s a Good Fit

The relationship with your therapist is one of the strongest predictors of whether therapy helps. So pay attention to how you feel with me, not just what we talk about. After the first session or two, ask yourself:

• Did I feel listened to, rather than rushed or analyzed?
• Did I feel I could say no, or slow down, without it being a problem?
• Did I leave with a little more understanding of myself, even if it was small?
• Can I picture coming back?

Whether you work with me or someone else, it’s also worth checking:

• License. Look for a licensed clinician, such as an LMFT, LCSW, LPCC or psychologist.
• Trauma training. Ask what trauma-specific training they have and which approaches they use.
• Practical fit. Fees, insurance, availability and in-person or online options all matter, because you need to be able to keep going.

If you’ve tried therapy before and it didn’t help, that doesn’t mean you’re “too broken” for therapy. It often means the approach didn’t fit what you needed. Many people with trauma find that talking about what happened isn’t enough on its own, because trauma also lives in the body. Working with both the mind and the nervous system is often what finally helps things shift.

And if it turns out we’re not the right fit, I’ll help you find someone who is. That’s a good outcome too.

You Can Start Small

You don’t have to be ready to talk about everything. You only have to be ready for a short conversation. That’s the whole first step.

If you’ve been carrying this alone for a long time, staying on guard and giving more than you get, you deserve a place where you can finally set some of it down, at your own pace.

Ready when you are. If you’re in California and this resonated, click Book a Free Consultation at the top of this page to schedule a free 15-minute consult. There’s no pressure and no need to share your story. We’ll simply see whether working together feels right.

Frequently Asked Questions

Do I have to talk about my trauma in the first session?

No. The first session focuses on getting to know you, your life now and what you hope will change. You decide when, and whether, to talk about specific memories.

What if I cry or get overwhelmed?

That’s okay, and it’s common. We’ll slow down, use grounding to help your body settle, and only continue when you feel steady.

What if I don’t remember much of my childhood?

Many people with early trauma have gaps in memory. You don’t need a complete story to heal. We can work with what your body and your present-day patterns show us.

I’ve tried therapy before and it didn’t work. Why would this be different?

Past therapy may have focused mostly on talking and insight. Somatic, trauma-focused therapy also works with the nervous system, which is often where trauma responses like anxiety, numbing and people-pleasing are held.

How long does trauma therapy take?

It varies a lot from person to person. Many people notice some relief in the first few months as they learn to calm their nervous system, while deeper healing usually takes longer. We’ll check in on progress together regularly.

Do you offer telehealth?

Yes. I offer online sessions throughout California, as well as in-person intensives in San Diego.

This post is for educational purposes and isn’t a substitute for professional care. If you’re in crisis, call or text 988 (the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or go to your nearest emergency room.