Reconnect With Yourself, Reconnect With Others:
Relational & Attachment Trauma Therapy in San Diego
Learn How to Feel Secure and Loved
You Have Always Deserved to Feel Safe
Every child needs to be held, soothed, and kept safe. Sometimes that need went unmet because of neglect or harm. Often, no one was to blame. Maybe:
- A parent was ill, physically or mentally
- A single parent was working two jobs just to get by
- You were born early and spent your first weeks in an incubator
The love may have been there, but the need went unmet. Your brain and body were smart. They adapted to help you survive. Many people don’t even remember this part.
Today it may show up as wanting a partner to finally make you feel safe. That longing makes sense. But partners want to love the adult in us. They can’t go back and raise the child.
I know this personally. After my birth, my mom was injured and couldn’t hold me for six weeks. I grew up anxious and thought it was my personality. Somatic work showed me it was my baby self, still stuck in survival.
As a relational and attachment trauma therapist in San Diego, I help you heal the part of you still looking for a good parent, so you can learn to trust yourself. I work with individual adults by telehealth across California.
Understanding Attachment Trauma
Understanding the Impact
When early needs for comfort go unmet, the body learns that closeness isn't safe. That lesson can quietly shape every relationship.
Treatable with therapy?
Yes. Your nervous system can learn safety at any age.
Related Conditions:
Anxiety, Depression, People-Pleasing, Relationship Struggles, Trauma
Signs & Symptoms
Anxiety when someone pulls away
Looking to a partner to make you feel safe
People-pleasing to keep the peace
Shutting down when things get close
Feeling like you have to earn love and security
Trouble trusting others, or trusting yourself
Recommended Treatment Models
Internal Family Systems (IFS)
We all carry younger parts still waiting for the care they missed. IFS helps you meet those parts with your own calm, compassionate Self. You become the steady, loving presence they’ve been looking for.
Brainspotting
Where you look affects how you feel. Brainspotting uses a spot in your field of vision to reach what your body remembers, even when your mind doesn’t. It’s a gentle way to soothe experiences that happened before you had words.
Compassionate Inquiry
Developed by Dr. Gabor Maté, Compassionate Inquiry gently explores the beliefs you formed to survive, like “I have to earn love.” With curiosity instead of judgment, you can see where they came from and begin to choose differently.
What to Expect
How Attachment Trauma Therapy Works
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Step One: A Free Consultation
We’ll talk about what’s bringing you here and whether we’re a good fit. No pressure, and nothing you need to have figured out.
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Step Two: Building Safety First
Together we’ll create a relationship where your nervous system can settle. You set the pace, always. We start with what feels manageable.
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Step Three: Learning to Trust Yourself
Using IFS, Brainspotting, and Compassionate Inquiry, you’ll learn to give your younger self the care they missed. The safety you’ve been looking for starts to come from within.
Meet Shay
Hi, I’m Shay 👋 I offer attachment trauma therapy in San Diego, helping adults heal the early wounds that show up in their relationships today.
My own healing taught me that anxiety and the longing to be taken care of aren’t flaws. They’re signs of a younger self who needed more. When that part of you finally feels safe, relationships stop feeling like a test you have to pass.
With me, you never have to perform or earn your place. You’re welcome exactly as you are.
Shay DuBois, LCSW · Certified Brainspotting Practitioner and Consultant-in-Training · IFS trauma training with Frank Anderson, MD · Advanced training in Somatic Experiencing and Compassionate Inquiry
Frequently Asked Questions
- Why Choose Me?
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I understand attachment trauma from the inside, and I’ve walked this path myself. You’ll never have to earn your place here.
✓ Body-Centered Approach: Go beyond talk therapy to heal where the wounds are held.
✓ Safe & Non-Judgmental: Your nervous system sets the pace, always.
✓ Attachment-Focused: Heal relational wounds and build secure connection.
✓ Telehealth Across California: Individual adults in San Diego and statewide.
- What Is Attachment Trauma, Exactly?
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It happens when your early needs for comfort, holding, and safety weren’t consistently met. Sometimes that came from neglect or harm. Often, no one was to blame. Either way, your body learned that closeness might not be safe.
- What If My Childhood Seemed "Fine"?
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Many people with attachment trauma had loving parents. A need can go unmet without anyone doing something wrong. For example:
- A parent was ill, physically or mentally
- A single parent worked long hours just to get by
- You grew up in foster care and never knew who would stay
- You were born early and spent time in an incubator
You don’t need to remember what happened. Your body remembers, and we can work with that.
- Can Attachment Styles Actually Change?
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Yes. Your nervous system can learn safety at any age. Many people develop what’s called “earned secure attachment” through healing relationships, including therapy.
- My Specialized Approach
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I combine approaches that work with the whole you:
- IFS to care for younger parts
- Brainspotting to reach what the body holds
- Compassionate Inquiry to gently explore old beliefs
- Somatic Experiencing to help your nervous system settle
- Will Therapy Make My Relationships Harder Before They Get Better?
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Sometimes things shift as you grow. You may start noticing old patterns or setting new boundaries. We go at your pace, so change feels steady, not overwhelming. Over time, you bring a more secure, grounded you to every relationship.
Ready to Feel Safe in Yourself and Your Relationships?
You’ve spent so long protecting yourself. You don’t have to do it alone anymore. Book your free consultation with me today.